A query letter is a formal letter sent to magazine editors, literary agents and sometimes publishing houses or companies. Writers write query letters to propose writing ideas.Now understand these folks get a shit-ton of query letters so you want to get to the point be reflective of your work and explain things as plainly as you can.
So I sent in this one to an agent who I though would be a good fit.
[Begin Query Letter]
A book blending Nephilim, Angels, Demons, Demi-Gods, Gods, and
Goddesses in a world almost identical to our own. Magic is real and for
our main character, Ethan Higashi Magic Really Sucks!!!
Hello, my name is Robert Ricks and I have completed my first
Trilogy of my series Magic Really Sucks and I am looking for an agent.
I set out with a few objectives when writing Magic Really Sucks.
#1) I wanted to try to find a new format to get readers to flow
through the books and feel like it was a movie since one of the challenges I
learned from on my first novel Convergence 2012 is, there are a LOT of folks
who struggle with reading. My solution, use more narrative. My feedback thus far has exceeded my wildest
expectations and am happy with the resulting style of writing on Magic Really
Sucks.
#2) I wanted to create a magical explanation for a lot of
conspiracy, and oddities throughout history. For example Antarctica with
Nazi and “aliens”, flat Earth, technology, and Illuminati. I wanted the story
to take place in a world that is ‘almost’ identical to ours. There are
some differences and as the story progresses and the reader pays attention they
will spot those and see why they are there. Pulling from the book of
Enoch and creating one of the last Nephilim allowed me to blend in elements of
Heaven and Hell.
#3) Characters that are driven by their desires and
relationships. I wanted characters wide enough that one or more should
appeal to the reader.
#4) Finally, I challenged myself to write and keep it YA. I
have a tendency to go wild with language and usually speak in ways that make
sailors blush. I am proud of the way I kept the language to a minimum
without it feeling fake.
The trilogy specs break down as follows:
The trilogy is:
Magic Really Sucks “Revelation” [94,668 words]
Magic Really Sucks “Liberation” [92,235 words]
Magic Really Sucks “Redemption” [103,512 words]
A brief summary of the novel(s): Magic Really Sucks is the story of a man who manifests power and
as he learns more of who and what he is, he encounters other who become much
more than friends. Stories about love, friendship, betrayal, and
growth.
Description (Book 1):
Ethan Higashi, a software developer at a B-level gaming studio is
about to turn 45. He is unaware that he's a powerful Nephilim who is
about to discover a world of magic that he didn't know existed. Thrust
into a wild world full of intrigue and sinister machinations, Ethan quickly
learns as a Nephilim there is no limit to the power that he can wield and there
are powerful forces that want to leverage that potential to reshape the world
to their vision. From the lowest regions of Hell to the highest reaches
of Heaven there are many who wish to convert the young Nephilim to their
purpose. Ethan has to learn quickly who and what to trust as his world is
turned upside down and undertakes the journey that will define him as Earth's
greatest hero or its greatest villain… With unlimited power comes many
temptations. Will it corrupt him to the core?[End Query Letter]
The response I got:
[BEGIN RESPONSE]
Dear Robert,
Thank you for submitting Magic Really Sucks to [AGENCY NAME] for our consideration. Unfortunately, we are going to pass on this
project.
We think the story in the query sounds interesting. However, we
found that the narrative did more telling than showing through an abundance of
dialogue, which took away from the overall plot. Some of the dialogue also read
a bit too stiff for us. We also felt that the voice of the story was too young
for the characters. In your query you mention that you tried to keep the language
YA, which would work great for a YA story, but with a 45 year old character the
text needs to be aged up to the adult level. Keeping the swearing to a minimum
is fine, but making sure the text reflects the ages of the characters is
important.
Thank you again for your submission and we wish you the best of
luck in finding representation in the future.
[END RESPONSE]
So here's my friggin' problem!
Narrative is part of my experimentation which I point out #1 on my Query Letter...
The voice of the character is too young for his age? Says who? For the demographic and profession he's in, he talks like ME, because he's patterned off of me and my peers who are all friggin' nerds and talk like I do!!!!! WTF?!!! What fuckin' world do these people live in where someone's speech pattern dictates age? Come the fuck on! Seriously?!
Additionally, I submitted ten pages... HOW THE HELL CAN YOU EVEN DISCERN THE PLOT AND IF THE DIALOG TAKES AWAY FROM IT? Umm people tell stories EVERY day and it's usually through a form of communication called vocal narrative!!! We TELL STORIES!
Oh well. In this case I think I would've preferred the obligatory form letter as this one really kicked me in the gut and filled me with fear. Considering the fact that this Agent could've been the one to represent me to the majors. Holy shit!!!! I dodged a damn bullet there.
:)
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